Amidst the Chaos, Chapter 1

A/N: This is a Death Note fanfiction.

Chapter One: Diploma

"Hey, Ollie!" 18-year-old Oliver Staek looked up from his newly earned diploma, his feathery bangs covering caramel brown eyes. His friend, Suzume was waving to him from a cluster of other former seniors, elation radiating off of her tiny body. How very like her. He waved back, but didn't go over to meet her. He wasn't in the mood.

Ollie didn't blame her for being enthusiastic; most people would be after graduation. It meant that they were no longer children to be looked down upon by society as 'incompetent' or 'ignorant'. They would now leap valiantly from the nest of adolescence, spread their strong wings, and fly off into the world, courageous, confident, and capable. Most of them anyway.

Ollie felt as if he was the only one who didn't know what to do with his life. He was smart, had easily gotten into To-oh University on a scholarship, and everybody knew that he'd find a good career. Everybody but him. When he was younger, Ollie had wanted nothing more than to be like his father and work for the FBI when he grew up. Because of his work, there were times when Ollie wouldn't see his father for weeks, but he didn't mind. He knew his dad was working hard on top-secret government missions. The fact that his father was prohibited from telling Ollie much of anything only enthralled him further.

It was ages ago, yet is seemed only yesterday that Ollie would stay up far past his bedtime, waiting patiently for him to return home. He'd sit there for hours in the stillness of the night, keeping his silent vigil. At the sounds of a car pulling up into the driveway, Ollie would throw off the covers and run to meet his father at the door. He'd be greeted by being lifted off the floor in a huge bear hug, then would be scolded for staying up so late.

Those times had been the best of his life, and had ended far too soon.
Eight years ago, his father had been murdered by Kira, along with eleven of his colleagues.

After that, Ollie had become an introvert. He had loved, and looked up to his father, and for his role model to be taken away just like that was a huge shock. He hadn't been prepared for the gash that had appeared in his heart the day he and his mother heard the grim news. He had gone from being a cheerful, happy ten-year-old to being quiet, and withdrawn. He'd no longer participate in class, and keep to himself during recess, preferring to stay inside than go out to play.

His teachers had become worried, and he had had countless sessions with the school councilor. He wasn't mentally sick, not depressed enough to do anything destructive to himself, and not angry enough to hurt others. Nobody knew how to deal with him, so after having their efforts fail time and time again they gave up.

His mother, Beth Staek, had taken it very hard too, and had cried alone in her room for three days straight. Nothing Ollie had said or done could make her come out, so he sat outside her door, waiting for her like he had his father.

Eventually, time healed them, to an extent. His mother's happiness was a thin sheet of rice paper that hid her true underlying grief. She laughed, and smiled, but her laughter always had an empty ring to it, and her smile was wistful.

Ollie began to communicate with his peers again, but always stayed unattached, and would still rather watch and observe class activities than participate. Still, his teachers embraced and encouraged the recovery, no matter how slow. But his personality was never completely regained. Instead of striving for success like he used to, he began to fear it. School had always been easy for him, and when he realized just how far ahead of his classmates he was, he got scared. To prevent himself from skipping grades, he would make an effort to get problems on tests wrong so he would stay in a C+ to B range, although that had changed in high school. The threat of change made him with being only a fly on the wall. Change became the thing he resented most.

So when he heard he and his mother would be moving, he felt as if the world had come crashing down on him.

Beth had said that they shouldn't dwell on the past so much. That there was no use in wallowing in what had already been done. That's why they had moved to Japan.
It had been strange. Knick Staek had, after all, been killed in Japan, and for the longest time Ollie couldn't figure out what had possessed his mother to make her move there of all places. He had resented everything about the move, but couldn't find the heart to say so. At that time his mother was still teetering dangerously on the edge of depression, and he didn't want to do anything to tip her over. He didn't want to lose her too.

It had only been a few months ago that Ollie figured out her real motive.
For Beth, the town they had lived in held too many ghosts. She'd grown up there with his father, and after his death, things had become hard for her. No matter which way she turned, something would stir up her emotions and send her spiraling down into agonizing despair. Knowing she could not raise a child properly when she couldn't overcome her pain, she decided to move back to the country she had been born in.

Japan.

Now that Ollie knew the truth, he'd come to appreciate his mother's bravery. What would he have done had he been in her place? He couldn't answer that question. He was ashamed of his weakness, and feared that it would someday envelop him completely. And then it would be too late to turn back.

The diploma he now held in his hands felt like a blessing and a curse. Now he would go to college and find a meaning to his life. If he didn't, he'd be lost in a sea of people who were living their lives happily and with carefree ease. What would he do then? The diploma marked a gateway to a new world where he would either learn to fly, or plummet into nothingness.

Ollie squeezed his thumb and forefinger together tightly at the thought, wrinkling that piece of paper. That one piece of paper that meant so much.